If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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