I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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