You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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