Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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