Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
