I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
