So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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