I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
