youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
