All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Two words: blizzard sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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