She's JV to your varsity
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
