I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
