Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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