NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
