i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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