The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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