she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
