i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
