so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
