I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am full of burrito and curiosity
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
