Ambien. No doubt about it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
