U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
