there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
