If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
