Jerry, you need to find god
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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