Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
