I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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