It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
