I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
