no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
His nipple licking is glorious
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