It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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