Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
