winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
