i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
