i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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