what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
