I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pants are for mortals
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
