I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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