We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
last night I used snow as a chaser
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
