i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
MIDGETS
????
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