I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
