Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
