Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
