based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
