I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
