they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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