11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
