I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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