btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
