so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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