DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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