this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
