Where did you get a picture of my penis
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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