we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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