I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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