So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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