I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
