I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
