just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
