i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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