ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
