I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
