Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
