if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize