Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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