Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
