Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
