I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I FOUND THE LEGS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
