I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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