I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize