it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
