big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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