i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
