I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
