Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
