My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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