he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
