He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
