It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
how drunk are you?
Several
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
