she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
