I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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