In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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