that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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