So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
