saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
