went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
