So drunk its hurt
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
