It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
