I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
