If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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