I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
