I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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