Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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