i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
